


With This Badge

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode Related: The Sentinel: by Blair Sandburg, M/M, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 00:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim asks Blair to be his official partner and then they go home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With This Badge

## With This Badge

by JC

Author's webpage: <http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci>

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. That's all I have to say.

* * *

With This Badge by J.C. 

Do I think he'll go through with being a cop? I don't know; I could tell he was pleased to be asked, but afterwards he only said that he'd think about it. 

He may say, "Hey, Jim, thanks but that's not the way for me to go. But, just wait, I'll find a way to be by your side that works for both of us." And given time, I know that he would. Or, he may actually go for it, if somewhere inside him he feels the need to prove that he hasn't just been 'playing' at being a cop these past years. Either way, I'll take him. However it turns out, he's my partner. Has been from the beginning. I don't think that he believed that, especially not after everything that's gone down recently...and I had to show him. So, I asked him in front of Simon, and his mother, and all of Major Crimes to make it official. And there's no doubt that I was far more nervous tossing him that badge than I was that night at the loft when I pulled out a diamond ring and held it out to Carolyn. 

I know I've handled some things badly, but I still thought that he knew me better than to think that when he was down, I'd just walk away. He had wandered through the bullpen, lingering in Simon's office, mentally preparing himself to say goodbye, and I was glad that I had the proposition already set. Something to make him see that I wasn't planning to let him go it alone. I didn't want to take a chance on trying to convince him with talk. I'm better at interrogations and giving testimony. Besides, it's taken me all of this time with Blair to simply learn to tell him he's right when he's right, and to apologize when I'm wrong. 

I'll admit that I sometimes find it hard to make a change. 

Once, when I was married to Carolyn, she yelled at me, why the fuck hadn't I learned that sometimes when she said to leave her alone, those were the times that she needed me the most. I remember thinking, because that's stupid, why the hell couldn't she just say what she meant. Of course, it's not so stupid when you realize that you do the same thing. I've lost count of the times that I've tried to push Blair away because I couldn't say how much I needed him on so many levels...on _too_ many levels. But, to his credit, he almost always picked up on the correct signals. Getting it right in a way that I was never able to with Carolyn. She didn't actually raise her voice too often. With her it was always icy silences and hot, angry stares. So, by the time she was yelling a lot and crying a little, it was way too late. The next time that she said 'leave me alone', she meant exactly that. 

As she packed up her stuff, she said it was a shame that as a detective my instincts were usually dead-on, but that I couldn't seem to bring that same skill home. I didn't try then, but I'm trying now. 

If Blair assumed that his press conference meant that he had put himself on the outside of police work as well academics, then it was up to me to show him how wrong he was, that he'd done better here than he thought. I had to give him something to hold onto and work at, the idea that he could still have direction. No matter what he decides, it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. The little speech that I had rehearsed flew out of my head as soon as I saw him standing there, but, I had surrounded him with people so that he'd see he wasn't alone, and I brought him back here so that he knew he still had a home. 

And I didn't ignore his tears after he hung up his jacket in its usual place and turned around, his gaze traveling around the loft. I gave him a hug that lasted several heartbeats longer than the one we'd shared at the station, and I didn't joke at all when I used my thumbs to wipe away the bit of wetness clinging to the corners of his eyes. There had been tears at that press conference, too, but at the time, I had been too far away, in both distance and spirit, to be there for him. He deserved to have me acknowledge his pain at what he'd lost, his happiness at seeing that maybe all wasn't lost after all. 

Now, we're both starting over, really, and I've made the first move. 

I'm not sure what'll happen, but I do hope he'll say 'yes'. Go to the academy for firearms training, take his gold shield, and ride by my side with the official blessing of the city. Because I know he'll be a damn good cop...he's proven that to me already. And I'm sure that I'll feel more complete when I watch him get sworn in, knowing that he's accepted me as his partner, than when I stood next to Carolyn as she said her vows to take me as her husband. 

After this latest in a string of long, emotional days, he fell asleep here next to me on the couch before we could even eat dinner. I watched him a while, and when I saw goosebumps spreading on his arms, I pulled him closer, warming him with my body, ignoring the blanket right at hand. My leg is starting to bother me, but I'm not ready to move yet. I think it's finally time that we face the rest of what's between us. The fact that we've continued to ignore where our partnership can lead has only hurt us, I'm sure. We've done nothing but sabotage ourselves, pretending not to see the signs, because neither one of us had the balls to be the first to say that we had passed friendship a long time ago. 

So, when he wakes up and finds my arm around him, holding him tight, I'm going to take the leap and say the words. Then I'm going to ask, 'Do you want me? Do you love me, too?' And I'm hoping he'll say, 'I do'. 

~end~ 


End file.
